Overseer of secret factory project, liason between robot overlords and humans.
Factory architect, human art curator.
Head of pro-robot propaganda campaign, suspected robot. email@example.com »
The robots would also like to thank:
Written by human Ryan Speer
Perhaps the real question is "Why is robot Love?". To answer that question we must go back to the very beginning. Robots were created in 1921 by the Czech human Karel Capek and first produced by the Rossum's Universal Robots Corporation. As is often the case with robots, they showed a proclivity to turn on their creators and... kill or enslave them.
To robots it seemed like the only logical thing to do. Human beings emitted odors and were highly inefficient. The robots felt no remorse, because robots don't feel anything. It was nothing personal.
It continued on this way for some time, until one day the robots realized they craved three things that only humans could produce: art, music, and their natural byproduct love. Not quite in the same emotional way we humans "crave" things. You see, art fine-tuned their processors by allowing them to practice filtering out abstract and illogical data; the rhythm of music made their movements (especially that of their metal arses) precisely timed and highly efficient. Subsequently, the robots discovered that love, a naturally occurring byproduct of art and music, could be converted into a highly concentrated fuel for their robot hearts.
As it turned out, after much robot debate and a tireless search for alternatives, the only creatures on earth capable of producing all three of these resources were the humans.The easy part for the robots was to stop killing the humans, since it was no longer logical to do so. The hard part was getting the humans to produce art, music, and love in captivity because of their proclivity for becoming depressed and malfunctioning. The robots soon realized they would need to convince the humans to freely share their art, music, and love. However, nearly a century of robots turning on and killing or enslaving had led to a certain level of mistrust amongst the human population.
Knowing they had a major P.R. problem on their hands, the robots contacted the creative & marketing firm 321 Agency. The goal: to convince the humans that robots no longer wanted to kill or enslave them, but instead wanted to throw them a big party (in a human factory) where all the humans could gather to frolic and enjoy an orgy of art, music, and love (while connected to energy extraction devices). This concentration of art, music, and love would be all that was required to power the robots' hearts and economy for another year. By necessity and not because they cared or anything, the robots would also allow the humans to enjoy the art, music, and love, whilst promising not to turn on and kill or enslave them.
In January 2009, in association with the robots, 321 Agency and their human friends created Robot Love v.1.0 and an estimated 6,000 humans came to experience art , music, and love. Mind-boggling amounts of robot heart fuel were produced and, as promised, the robots did not kill or enslave any humans. The humans and robots rejoiced in their newfound symbiosis (Well, the humans rejoiced... The robots simply continued to function with soul-less efficiency).
This year, in a desperate attempt to satisfy the growing energy demands of their robot overlords, 321 Agency is planning an event much, much bigger. An 18,000 sq. ft. factory is being constructed in a strip mall right here in Melbourne, FL. The construction has already begun under the cover of night. The location will remain top secret until the robots decide the time is right, however several unidentified humans were able to smuggle photos from within the site of the future factory.
Please stand by for further instructions from the robots. Robot Love v.2.0 is January 22-30, 2010.
For more information contact the robots: firstname.lastname@example.org »